


Ifrit’s Kitchen

by Lady_Kaie



Series: Igtober 2020 [21]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Bad Jokes, Competition, F/M, Gen, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Sexual Content, Insults, M/M, Multi, Other, Out of Character, Television, Television Watching, Wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Kaie/pseuds/Lady_Kaie
Summary: Based off of halfwingangel's beautiful photos for Igtober Prompt 21:  Recipe!Time to watch the next installment of Ifrits Kitchen.Rated mature for implied sexual content and A LOT of cussing.
Relationships: Ignis Scientia/Reader, Ravus Nox Fleuret/Original Character(s)
Series: Igtober 2020 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948411
Kudos: 6





	Ifrit’s Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> Igtober 2020: Prompt 21: Recipe

“Hurry!” Your best friend called from the living room where she had just deposited the wine bottles, snacks and was now gathering up blankets. You were in charge of getting the glasses, plates, and napkins for the event.

Tonight was your monthly girls night, which had been cut down from weekly now that the autumn and winter months were upon you. Work was busy for both of you and your loved ones, so the time the both of you got to spend with your boyfriends was reserved for couple time only.

“I’m coming!” You shout, grabbing the last of your things with haste and darting out just as the music kicked on! “I’m here…” Sliding into the room, and plopping onto the couch, you giggle when she throws a blanket over your head and takes a plate for herself off of your lap. “Did I miss it?”

“No! Just started!” Jumping up and down in her spot she wriggled her brows and murmured, “I wonder what trouble the boys are going to get into today. Watching Ignis come unglued is my guiltiest pleasure.”

It was yours too truth be told. Something about someone so straight laced and serious to the point of being overly professional that really got you going when he let his hair down. Not only that but every time he screamed fuck you were positive you were going to orgasm by the end of the night.

HE was filthy…

Bossy… arrogant… And you loved every single damn minute of it!

“I wanna see Ravus get cranky and throw something at him again.”

“Oh that man… he could throw what he wanted to at me.” Your friend informs you with a gleam in her eye that is pure naughtiness. 

You roll your eyes and throw your legs over her lap, where she then puts her hot plate down on top of your shins. Thankfully you are a firm believer in sweatpants no matter what your lover says! The man thinks that yoga pants are acceptable loungewear. Just… no. You have to have your sweatpants. “What is the task tonight?”

“The Farmers Dinner.”

“Ooooooooooohhhhhhhh that didn’t go well last year.” It had been an absolute disaster. Ignis had nearly popped a vein in his forehead when poor Prompto burnt the last of the vegetables and the farmers were forced to eat canned. That was the first time that Ignis had to step in and take over the cooking himself instead of just supervising.

“No it did not...SHUSH! It’s on!”

********

*TONIGHT ON IFRIT’S KITCHEN*

Ignis: “Last year was horrendous. I will not accept embarrassment at such a level again this year. If anyone….” He glances around in restrained fury, his gaze leveling on Nocts, “Dares to FUCK this up!” His pen goes flying and Prompto, who has been resigned to serving duty, has to duck it. “You’ll be replaced for the next event.”

Both you and your friend gasp. Only one person has been kicked out of Ifrit’s kitchen over the years and now they could only get jobs as a bartender. 

Ignis: “Gladio…”

Gladio: “yes Chef.”

Igni: *hands him a slip of paper* “You are yet again the ‘meat master’” He air quotes, meaning that it is some cheesy nickname the massive muscled man made for himself, “Make sure you handle it properly and not like you handle that thing in your pants. I need it to be better than subpar!” Whirling to Noctis he sighs.

Noctis: “Iggy…”

Ignis: *eyes blown wide in fury* “Excuse me?”

Noctis: *rolls eyes and leans against the metal countertop* “Yes… cheeeeffff…”

Ignis: “Do you want to switch with Prompto? Would you like to go back to serving?! I thought I’d bring you in and give you a chance, but if you dont want it then you can just fuck the FUCK off!” *Shouts in Noctis’ face*

“Oh shit! Look at poor prompto!” You called out while pointing at the screen, nearly choking on your snack. Behind the counter where Ignis was standing the viewers could see the cleanly shaven, chocobo coiffed blond with eyes so wide that they nearly swallowed his head.

“Run Prom Run!” Your friend shouts! But it’s too late. Upon mentioning his name, Ignis whirls around and gets a good look at the usually hyper blond.

Ignis: *walks to prompto, face serious and teeth clenched, sizing the other man up.* “Black pants… black shirt, black vest… BLACK tie.” 

Because last time he had worn a chocobo tie with little witch hats since it was near Halloween. Prompto was always chosen for the service aspect of the Farmer’s Feast because he was able to hold the best conversation with the groups. The men respected the King’s boyfriend not only for his love of chocobos but also because he frequently visited the farms during the year to pick up vegetables.

Ignis: *eyes darting up to the perfectly styled wave of hair that seemed to glint in the light.* *voice drops lowly* “What. Is. THAT!” He hisses out, pointing to the object catching the light.

Prompto: *snatches the little bauble from his hair and pockets it.* “Nothing chef!”

Ignis: *eyes Prompto* “Good.” *turns to face the other chefs.* “Ravus you will plate and prepare desserts. Nyx you will be in charge of appetizers. Noctis you will be in charge of the vegetable side dishes.” 

Along with each station being manned, there were sous chefs that would step in and help. Noctis was going to have two to help him with vegetable prep and cook, Ravus had one at his disposal, a cute, short little thing, 

“Tramp!” 

You rolled your eyes and snatched the full wine glass out of your friends hand. “Don’t throw things at my t.v. it’s brand new!”

“I won’t waste alcohol! I’m not a barbarian.”

When you were sure, you handed it back to her and finished watching the lineup. Gladio was given two men to help him on the grills, due to the size of the animals being cooked, and Nyx was given a single sous chef for his job.

Usually Nyx and Ravus went unnoticed most of the show, other than the camera panning to their creations so that everyone could see how beautiful their plating was. And it was absolutely exquisite!

Ignis: *Pointing to the white board at the front of the kitchen.* “This is the menu. The men have decided they wish to eat as a group tonight. There are eight of them tonight. Your sous chefs have already fed their families. It is your job to ensure these men, who are paramount to our survival, are well fed and that you do better than your best. If it is not beyond your best then you can just get the fuck out of the kitchen and I will do this myself! Do not disgrace these men and women, do not disgrace yourselves and do not disgrace me!”

All: “YES CHEF!”

Ignis: “Good. Let’s get to work then.” *claps and everyone scatters to their stations*

Menu

Appetizers

Baked Brie with caramelized onions, bacon, apples with maple syrup drizzle. Served with lightly toasted baguette pieces.

Goat cheese, pear and walnut pastry bites

Butternut squash, apple, and sweet potato potage with prosciutto and sweet corn crumble

Main Course

Stuffed daggerquill breasts with Lucian tomato gravy

Garula sirloin cubes with pepper sauce

Maple glaze and walnut crusted Salmon 

Vegetables: Dijon roasted carrots, golden and red beets with balsamic reduction, creamed corn, garlic green beans and baked acorn squash.

Desserts

Pumpkin mousse with a graham cracker crumble with ice wine whipped cream

Fluffy Chiffon cake with fall berry compote

The scene bursts to life before the viewers eyes with everyone jumping into their tasks and Ignis being quick to start shouting out appetizer orders and main dishes.

Ignis: “Gladio… three salmon, four daggerquills and one garula”

Gladio: “Yes Chef.” *flies into action*

The meat will be cooked on three separate grills while the sous chefs prepare the individual sauces. Three grills for three levels of heat and char. Gladio mans the station like he was born for it. But whenever he cooks outside he always does better than if he is in a kitchen where he tends to burn himself on the griddle.

Ignis: *turns to Nyx* “Two brie, five pastry bites and four potages”

Nyx: *points sous chef toward the stove for the prosciutto crumble and caramelized onions and bacon.* “Yes chef.*

Ravus: *steps over to help with the baguette and preparing the pastry bites alongside Nyx*

The service is running like a fine oiled machine until Ignis zeroes in on Noctis taking a break.

Ignis: *glares at Noctis* “Need those vegetable dishes out fast. Squash first, get ‘em in the oven. Don’t forget seasoning!”

Noctis: “Ig… Chef! It’s hot.”

Ignis: *turns with a menacing step* “Hot? Oh I’m sorry… did I forget to tell you that you would be cooking food over a heated surface! Did I forget at some point that you can cook food without the invention of fire! Which. Is. HOT!” 

Noctis: *flinches*

Ignis: “Get the fuck back to work! Those side dishes must go out with the entrees. If they do not then the supper will be a disaster.”

Gladio: “Do I need to pull back on the meat?”

Noctis: “Yes!” 

Ignis: *shoots a look at Noctis* “Absolutely not. Pick up the pace. Ravus.”

Ravus: *looks up, says in deep, calm tone.* “Yes chef.” 

Ignis: “Get over here and help this bumbling adamantoise!”

“Oh my god that man is so damn sexy!” Your friend purrs at the television, almost crawling off of her spot on the couch to go rub up against the t.v.

“Sit down! Last time you got your lipstick all over my screen and it took forever to clean off!” You mutter, though you have the same urge to nuzzle Ignis’ cranky image too.

Ravus: *settles in beside Noctis and begins to direct him*

Eventually the squash get put in the oven, the green beans are sauteeing in a pan with Ravus manning it, and Noctis settles on the beets. Beets are forgiving… 

At least that is what Ravus is clearly thinking as he slides the carrots quickly into the oven. One of the sous chefs had the creamed corn to take care of and Nyx just finished up with his appetizers that he was plating.

Ignis: “Did you taste these?”

Nyx: “Yes chef.” *hands Ignis small plate of the toppings.*

Ignis: *takes quick bites* “Perfection. As always Nyx.” *pokes the brie to feel its buoyancy* “These can go out.” *dings bell*

Prompto: *rushes to gather up the appetizers with two other waiters.* *sets them down in front of the farmers at the wooden table outside on the citadel garden* “How is it? Everyone like what they’ve been given?”

Farmers: 1) “Excellent as always. Is Nyx back on Appetizers?”

Prompto: “Absolutely.” *beaming smile*

Farmers: *murmur happily.”

*Scene of the Spring festival* 

Ravus had been on appetizers and over salted them close to three times.

Ignis: “What the actual fuck Ravus! Are you trying to catch a fucking Anak with this salt lick? I can fucking hang this up outside and the beasts will come running! We’re feeding people! Not fucking Anak’s! Do it the fuck again and this time make sure you LIGHTLY salt.” *walks away muttering* “Fuck me… like he has Parkinsons and can’t stop fucking shaking all the damn salt all over the place. I could cure meat in ten minutes on that damn prep station.”

*Return to present. Focus on Ravus working expertly on his vegetables.*

Ignis: *walks to the pan Ravus is working on and tastes a green bean.* “Perfect seasoning. They are ready. I’ll take them.” *walks past Noctis and stops* “The holy fuck is that!” *points*

Noctis: *glances into his pan and notices that his beats are black* “Its the balsamic reduction!”

Ignis: *hands the beans off to a sous chef as Ravus checks the carrots and squash, both being pulled.* “Do you see this! Everything is fucking ready save for your beets. And you cook them the fuck IN the balsamic! You put it on at the end you bumbling jabberwock! Start them again!”

Noctis: “So no balsamic?”

Ignis: *turns, face beet red…* (No pun intended!) “AT THE FUCKING END! You know! Like when you cum, you fucking wanker! The sauce is at the end! Fucking six!”

Nocts: *swallows hard and nods* “Yes chef.”

Both you and your friend are wide eyed. “Damn Iggy is pissed!” You murmur in shock.

Your friend gives a nod and polishes off her last gulp of wine. “Yep. But you know the Farmer’s Feast is the most important part of the year for him. Without the farmers we wouldn’t make it through the winter.” Well not comfortably at least.

Gladio: *plating up the meat, sous chef brings the platters to Ignis*

Ignis: *checks on the meat, stop on the daggerquill* “The… Gladio!”

Gladio: “yes chef.” *runs up to Ignis*

Ignis: *sighs* “Your garula… gorgeous. Your salmon. Exquisite. But Gladio you burnt the fuck out of these daggerquill! I can’t send these out!”

Gladio: “I know chef. I just put more on.”

Ignis: “And you still sent me these you muppet! Get fucking back to your station and don’t burn them this time. Moist daggerquill breasts Gladio! Not dry and rock hard like the fake tits you’re used to!”

Gladio: “Yes chef.” *trots back to station*

Prompto: *enters* “Everyone’s finishing up their appetizers, they said they were delicious and wanted to give their compliments to Nyx.

Everyone: *claps for Nyx* 

Ravus: *finishes plating up the vegetables and moves to begin his dessert prep*

Noctis: *tastes beet. shrugs* “I think they are ready?”

Ignis: *stalks to the King* “You think? You think they are ready?” *incredulous tone* “Before you go into battle do you have to ‘think’ your troops are ready?”

Noctis: *sighs* “It’s just food Iggy…”

Ignis: “Just food!” *smacks Noctis with his towel* “Remember that at your next meal when it is burnt! These men work hard for us all year. Now get your spoiled ass in gear and make sure that these are the best damn beets theyve ever eaten to the point that they scream out your name when they are done!”

Noctis: *glares at Ignis* “Yes chef!”

Ignis” *looks at Gladio* “Moist breasts Gladio… any day now. I don’t want more fossils making their way onto plates!”

Gladio: *plates up the daggerquill breasts as Noctis plates up his beets* “They are ready Chef.”

Ignis: *takes the beets and breasts* *tastes beets* “Breasts are lovely… you finally got it. Good job Gladio. And Noctis. I’ll be fucked… you got them spot on. Good fucking job! Seeing as how its the only thing you did!” *hits bell*

Prompto: *gather’s tray with meat dishes* *walks out to the table with the two other waiters that have the vegetable dishes*

Thankfully nothing horrible happens with the main meal though one man’s salmon is slightly undercooked, but thankfully for Gladio, he prefers it that way. The desserts are beautiful beyond compare of course…

“Oh yeah. You plate that cake. You whip that cream! Oh you sexy man! I would just rub both of those all over your body and lick yyou from head to toe adn then stick that big co…”

“I get it! He’s hot! You want to jump on him! Damn girl!” 

She blushes and settles back into the cushions with a wicked grin on her face. “Like you wouldn’t do it with Iggy…”

You would. You would do anything with that man. 

As the show ends with Prompto serving coffee to the happily fed men and taking time to talk about the experience of being out on the floor for service and not being under fire in the kitchen, at the end it pans to Ignis who makes his way out to the dining area with the chefs in tow.

Ignis: *raises his hands* “Thank you! But this is all because of you. We are so pleased that you came and that you enjoyed your hard earned feast. As we go into the winter, know that you are feeding thousands and we are ever grateful.”

With that the servers march back out and hand bags of left overs to the farmers as each chef mingles in with the feasters and the show draws to a happy end. The chaos was minimal, but Ignis still put on a show.

*******

The two of you sigh and begin to clean up with the theme music playying in the background as the door opens. A squeal of delight erupts from the living room and then you hear a heavy thud against your wall and walk out to see that your friend has latched herself to her boyfriend.

Ravus.

“Take me home.” She growls, biting his nape roughly and without a word he drags her to their apartment.

Ignis rolls his eyes fondly and smiles at you, holding his hand out. Still dressed in his black chef coat and pants, his hair half styled and half messy, you forget all about the cleaning and rush over to him. “Was it a good show?”

“The best. And your recipe’s were exquisite.”

“They always are…” Ignis grinned against your lips, “I have one more for the night.”

“Oh?” Excitement ripples through you. “Do tell…”

“It involves you… the table… and some whipped cream.” He holds up a bowl of the ice wine whipped cream and leers at you suggestively.

“And what’s this recipe called?”

“Darling Orgasms…”

“S? With a S… multiple?”

“Absolutely.” And then up over his shoulder you go before you are deposited on the table where Ignis is free to gaze upon his special feast. “I’m starved…”

And so he was….

Also… from that day on he claimed that that particular recipe was one of his best and you couldn’t have agreed more.


End file.
